Serenity

I listen to Pandora radio at work every day. I plug my headphones into the computer, enjoy the random mix of tunes that come out usually on my Miranda Lambert channel and then get in the zone and bill away. That’s typically my routine at work. Listening to the music is so calming but sometimes I get so in the zone I forget I’m even listening.

Yesterday, however I found myself zoning in and out of thinking about Brittney and Brian and all of her family and friends. It’s been a recurring thought in my mind since the tragic events of last Friday unfolded. I still can’t believe it and I just keep praying for peace and comfort for all those closest to her who will now have to move on without her.

It was in a moment of reflection on Brittney and Brian that I heard the following song come on my playlist. It’s Leann Rimes “Probably Wouldn’t Be this Way.” The song is a reflection by a young grieving wife who lost her husband and is trying to move on in the world without him. To give a short feel for the lyrics the chorus sings, “It probably wouldn’t be this way, probably wouldn’t hurt so bad. I never pictured every minute without you in it. Oh you left so fast. Sometimes I see you standing there. Sometimes it's like I’m losing touch. Sometimes I feel that I’m so lucky to have had the chance to love this much.”

In hearing those lyrics I near lost it thinking of the pain and struggle Brian is facing. It all just seems so unfair. Why do bad things happen to good people? I will never understand that.

Then the following lines followed, “God gave me a moment’s grace. Cause if I’d never seen your face, it probably wouldn’t be this way.”

I thought about those lyrics and then had to smile because that phrase, “It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all,” never rang more true. Some people search their entire lives and never share an ounce of what was apparently shared between Brian and Brittney during their time together. I pray Brian can find solace in knowing he at least felt that kind of love.

It also made me think again of my post earlier this week where I realized how grateful I am for the gifts I have and the love of those dearest to me. And it made me realize that each of us has God given talents and gifts that we shouldn’t waste in hopes of a tomorrow. Because we all have been reminded that tomorrow may never come.

I have been known to be a complainer from time to time- yes, we’re not all perfect ;) But I have always been a person of faith and I strongly believe it’s that faith that has always carried me through the best and worst times of my life thus far. I continue to pray for all who have been affected by Brittney’s death. I pray that I can take from this tragedy a new found sense of complete contentment with all that I have and hopefully share some of my faith with others who might be struggling.

So for starters I thought I’d share a prayer with anyone who cares to read it. I went to a religious book store a few years ago looking for a baptism gift for my nephew and saw this prayer on a little plaque. It had always been one of my favorites so I bought it and it sits on the counter of our master bathroom as a constant reminder to me when times get tough. I’m sure you’ve all heard it before but just in case you’ve forgotten:

“Lord grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

the Courage to change the things I can;

and the Wisdom to know the difference.”