God's Divine Grace on an anxious working mom

This morning I stepped out onto our screened in porch to take a quick work call.  It felt so good with the shade and a slight breeze that I decided to take Sophia out there on our newly slipcovered couches (finally!  We only ordered them back in March!) for her mid morning feed. 

Anyway, I took a break from sifting through the massive amounts of work emails I’ve been going over these past two days and grabbed the May issue of American Baby.  I’d been wanting to read it for the past two months but never seemed to find the time to do so.  I suppose God had wanted me to find the perfect time to read it.  As I sat there enjoying the quiet sounds of nature around me holding my sweet baby and reading that magazine I found a little bit of peace that I really needed to calm my anxiety over the nanny starting tomorrow.

I came across a section in the magazine that was talking all about the worries moms face in finding child care as they stare down the barrel of their maternity leave ending.  A lot of the fears expressed by moms in the magazine were the same ones I have been feeling for months.  “What if my baby loves the caregiver more than me?”  “What if the childcare giver doesn’t know the particular things my baby likes and doesn’t know how to calm her when I’m not around?”  “What if I become out of touch with my child’s life?  I knew and adored her every move for three months and now someone else would be spending that precious time with her.”  If I write any more I might start to tear up (more than I already am). 

The truth is it’s just hard to let go and face the unknown and you really can’t imagine what you’re going to feel like before you actually hold your baby in your arms the day they're born.  It’s easy to say “oh I’ll be fine when the time comes to go back to work,” but the reality is quite different.  I think for some moms the thrill of having adult time away from the house makes going back to work an easier transition but for others (and I think I fall in this camp) the thrill of becoming a mom makes everything else just fade away.  It's a job that's harder than you can imagine at times but one of the most rewarding jobs you’ll ever have – which makes that jump back to work even harder.

Anyway, I started this post talking about why I found peace in the article and while I’m obviously still struggling with it all, it did make me feel better to read responses to the mothers’ concerns.  “No matter how close the baby gets to his caregiver, your mother-child bond is irreplaceable,” said one clinical psychologist.  Another suggested creating new mommy and me rituals to ensure that precious one on one time with your baby daily.  I guess I didn’t read anything I hadn’t heard before but it somehow made me feel better all the same.

Then as I was reading, Sophia finished feeding and fell asleep on my chest. 

little sleeping beauty

Just then, I noticed an email came through on my phone from a customer who was commenting on me returning to work and how I needed to treasure the quiet moments of the day when I get to hold her and how that’s what I’ll remember later.  I couldn’t agree more in that moment looking down at my precious sleeping beauty.  She didn’t have a care in the world and looked so comfortable nuzzled up on me.  

It just made me feel great knowing how comfortable she was in my arms and somehow made me really believe all the talk about how she’ll always know who her mama is.  I sat there with her like that for about 20 minutes.  I kept thinking how I should probably get up and get back to work but I just didn’t have it in me to wake her or move her.  And I suppose I needed that quiet mommy and me time.  I was relishing in the moment and it gave me peace I needed to face tomorrow and the weeks and months ahead when my work schedule gets a little busier and dare I say or think it (the over night trips that are coming).

Just goes to show you that God never gives you more than you can handle and although it’s going to be an adjustment to accept help from someone who’s now essentially a stranger to our family I know with time it’ll get easier and I’m sure everything will work out.  We have a great nanny lined up who I know will be good with Sophia and at the end of the day I’ll always have my baby girl to snuggle up with and love on.  I just hope and pray she'll always have smiles and love back for her mama.

Sophia's First Trip to the Beach!

Trey and I celebrated Memorial Day Weekend at the beach on Hilton Head Island.  We had such a great time and I'm so glad I was able to convince Trey to book the trip a few months ago.  My dad had a dental conference there to get continuing ed credits and when he mentioned they were going back in March I immediately thought that would be perfect timing to take Sophia to the beach for some family fun right before my maternity leave was over.  Figured it would be nice to have some extra help with my parents there and I was right.  And as an added bonus, Sophia got to meet my brother Ryan since he and Meghan decided to tag along too because they needed to be in Savannah for part of the weekend getting things ready for their October wedding.

We drove up Thursday night after work and got there around 12:30 am.  Sophia was an angel and basically slept the entire way.  Couldn't have asked for more there.  Then we got up Friday morning and headed to the beach.  I had been trying to get ready for this trip for weeks (not that it took weeks but I was so anxiously anticipating the vacation that I kept making trips to the store to get little swim items, etc for Sophia).  I brought so many little gizmos and gadgets out to the beach and ultimately day 1 was a little chaotic and unsuccessful.  It's kinda funny looking back because we felt so prepared with a tent, fan, padding for her to lay on, etc. but I think she was just a little overwhelmed with the bright sun and wind and couldn't get comfie.  We probably stayed out there about an hour and she was done.  She did take a little nap by the pool though so we were able to enjoy the resort.

someone was excited to head to the beach!

Sophia and all her beach gear - oh and the fan didn't really work either. ha

That night though all hell broke loose.  Not sure what happened to our normally tame and sweet little girl but poor thing was not a happy camper AT ALL.  She cried and cried and cried so much as we were trying to get ready.  I almost called my parents to say go to dinner without us.  But, we finally calmed her down and headed to the Lighthouse Restaurant in Palmetto Dunes.  Then more chaos ensued.  I guess everyone in Hilton Head was there that night so while Trey and I dropped my parents off to try to get our reservation at 8 pm we literally didn't park the car until 9:05!  I kid you not.  1 hour to find a parking spot.  Ridiculous!  But the icing on the cake was that Sophia exploded before we got out of the car and when I went to change her realized she had completely soaked through her outfit.  This was about the point where Trey and I nearly lost it.  In our hour drive around the parking lot, we missed the sunset and our photo op with the beautiful scenery and we were almost too pissed off to even go to dinner at that point.  But, we made it finally and the food was worth the wait.  Sophia was happy and asleep by that point and all was well with the world.

Day 2 at the beach we learned from our mistake the day before and decided to just take baby girl down to the beach in her car seat and stroller.  Worked like a charm and she slept the whole day.  It was so much fun and very relaxing.  For dinner we headed to Nick's Seafood and Salty Dog Cafe for t-shirts and dessert.  It was the Perfect day and Sophia topped it off by sleeping through the night until 7 am.  In fact she did that every day we were there, regardless of when we put her down.

much more comfortable in her car seat and shade

Day 3 went much the same and came to an end all too soon.  All in all, we had such a wonderful time and I was so sad to leave.  I can't wait to go back to the beach next month and think it will be even more fun now that Sophia is become so alert.  

View from the Black Marlin Restaurant our last night

I was also especially sad to leave knowing that when we got home I'd have to start work - which I did today.  More on that later but needless to say, it wasn't half bad.  The nanny starts on Thursday though so we'll see how that goes.  I'm more anxious about that than I was about my first day.

Meeting Kelsey!

I was so excited when I found out Kelsey was coming to town this weekend for a friend's wedding.  She's been so busy finishing up her pediatric residency in Memphis that she hadn't had a chance to get home and meet Sophia.  In fact when she does come home it's always hard to steal time away from her parents (which I totally understand) because they never get to see her either.

Anyway, Maggie and I were so happy when Kels said she could meet us today for brunch.  I've been looking forward to it all week and it was so good seeing her!

We met this morning at South City Kitchen in Vinings and had such a good time catching up.  It's not often that the three of us get together and while it was a short little lunch it was better than nothing.  I miss them so much and Sophia took to her aunt Kels right away.  What a fun treat!  Too bad Trey couldn't make it since he was on a plane to Vegas (don't feel too bad for him ;)

Mother's Day & Smyrna Food Truck Tuesday

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you moms!  It was certainly fun to wake up this Sunday and realize I'm now a mom and have something to celebrate on this special holiday.  Trey was such a good hubby and made a point to help out more than usual with Sophia throughout the night so I could sleep more and when I woke up he had beautiful flowers waiting for me along with a new camera strap cover for my Canon and a massage.  Can't wait to use that!

Tummy time on daddy 

Love waking up every morning to this happy girl!

As a side note, after Sophia slept from 10 pm to 7 last Wednesday we decided it was time to transition her from her bassinet in our bed to her crib in her room (wish we'd enjoyed the sleeping through the night more before we did this but it was inevitable).

Anyway, it totally threw her off and she's now back to a middle of the night feed and early morning wake up (usually b/w 6-7... which for those of you who know me that's waaaaaay early... guess I need to get used to it).  It's been an adjustment for sure because after she feeds when we/ I put her back to sleep I usually give her a paci to lay down and because she was in the bed with us it was easy to put it back in her mouth when it would fall out.  Well, it's a little challenging when I walk away from her nursery, go back to bed then hear on the monitor she's crying because she wants her paci back after it falls out... Hence, it was great to have Trey help out with the runs to her room throughout the night.

Little cutie her first night in her crib

We enjoyed the day by playing with our sweet baby girl, heading to church for the first time as a family since Sophia was born, then eating brunch with my family.  It was the perfect laid back day.  I just wish I had remembered my camera.  Trey did get a few pics on the iphone though.

Sophia, Mommy & Lala

Tonight we had fun meeting up with our friends Bree and Matt and little baby Harrison at the Smyrna Food Trucks.  I've had so much fun hanging out with Bree since our little ones were born in March.  We've been meeting once a week at Taylor Brauner Park to go on walks and it's so nice to have someone to relate to since we're going through the same things with our babies.  Can't wait to see these two playing when they're older.

What we've been up to and someone is 2 months old!

 Time flies when you're having fun and we've been on the move having fun these days.  With this beautiful weather we've been having we have tried to get out and enjoy the weather.  I've been going on walks and runs with Sophia and Trey and I have taken her to some parks.  It's just fun to get out and get some fresh air and we've had a blast meeting friends and family for play dates.

Play date with Bree's baby, Harrison (two weeks apart)

Olivia and Terrie came to visit.  Can't wait to meet Terrie's new girl - due August!

Lunch with Ali and Sammie

Last weekend we took Sophia to RaceTrac's family day at Stone Mountain.  RaceTrac rented out a pavilion and had lots of yummy food and games for the kiddos and then we were given passes for all access to the park.  It's so fun to have a lot of our friends working at RaceTrac too because we all got to go around the park together.  We rode the sky lift to the top of the mountain and then took the train around the mountain.  It was a fun day and I'm glad we decided to bring her out.

Then Trey and I had a first this week when we went on our first date alone since Sophia was born.  And where else would Trey want to go?  The Jimmy Buffett concert of course!  He got tickets last minute and we left Sophia with my parents for a few hours.  It felt so weird leaving her behind and while we did have a great time I was so excited on the drive back to my parents to pick her up.

And today Sophia reached another milestone.  She not only turned 2 months old but she rolled over for the first time from her stomach to her back.  Our little girl is growing up too fast :)  I wish I could slow time because the end of my leave is creeping up slowly but surely and I'm not ready.  Just have to soak up this precious time with her while I can and know that even when I have to leave her I can come home to his smiling little face of joy.  I know it will always warm my heart to see that face and hope she always has smiles for her mama.

Our happy girl!  Love that gummy smile!