So long Maternity Leave

I can't believe I'm staring down the barrel at the end of my maternity leave.  :(  In some ways it feels like I've been on leave way longer than 3 months but in retrospect it seems like just yesterday that I heard my sweet baby scream that first cry out of my belly.

It's been a few months of ups and downs as we've all adjusted to our new normal.  With Will's colicky spell, his difficulty eating with his thrush, and his fussy spells due to reflux we certainly had some challenges.  Not to mention just the normal challenge of dealing with Big Sister's adjustment and the recovery a c-section brings.  It was just a crazy but amazing and fun time.

I've honestly not allowed myself to think of the end as hard as that's been and when it's come to mind I just remind myself that all my fears of Sophia loving the nanny more than me and not wanting mommy, etc etc. were so unfounded last round that I have nothing to worry about this time with Will either.  And to be honest, I realize how challenging and all consuming it is to care for both of them all day at the same time that I hate to admit it but at times the thought of having some adult time/me time has a nice ring to it ;)  I know it'll make me appreciate my time with my sweet babies even more when I get it.

But, alas... the reality that this special time is ending soon just hit me like a ton of bricks tonight and I have to say I'm pretty sad about it.  I realize in the last few weeks I've finally found my groove.  I have so enjoyed the sweet one on one time I typically share with Sophia in the mornings and with Will throughout the day but mostly in the afternoons.  I have tried to take Sophia somewhere for the past 6 weeks or so whether it's the library, her tumbling classes, the park or for a quick jog with mommy on the Silver Comet trail.  Then when we get back it's usually her lunch time.  I feed Will, she gets lunch and heads to take a nap while I go off with Will either on walks, out to lunch with my friends on leave too or off to run errands.  I've had to reserve this time for Will to take off because I realized it was really affecting Sophia to see me leaving her behind so I try to go and take Will for one on one time when she's asleep and won't get her feelings hurt or be too jealous.

Nothing like a freezer pop in summertime!

Fun at the park after mommy's run

all ready for naptime in her bathing suit (sometimes the only way we can get her down is if we promise she can go swimming when she gets up)

These past few weeks it's been really fun too because it's been so warm and we've been bringing out Sophia's baby pool and water table for outside fun or head up to the neighborhood pool.  Seeing how much fun Sophia has is just such a special thing for me to see and I'm glad I've had this time with her as well.  I feel like developmentally she's grown in so many ways these past 3 months and I'm grateful I had such quality time to spend with her.

heading to the neighborhood pool for the first time she was sooooo excited!

I suppose I'm mostly sad or should I say have mixed emotions about returning to work because I feel like Will is in the cutest state these days and I just can't get enough of him lately.  It's like he's gotten easier and now sadly I have to leave him in someone else's care.  He's been sleeping through the night for 2 weeks now.  He's all smiles for his mama lately and is so observant and alert.  I love watching him and seeing him stare at me and give me that gummy smile and I can't get enough of his cute little head and body nuzzling into mama's neck and resting on my chest for naps throughout the day.  I try to cherish those quiet moments and those sweet glances he gives me because I know one day he'll be all grown up and I'll miss these moments.

Which leads me to another thought of how crazy these times have been.  At times Sophia can be the sweetest thing with her baby brother.  Honestly she loves him all the time but knows how to push buttons for attention sometimes and has been scared she's going to harm the baby (I know it's never intentional but she's 2 so let's face it, she doesn't know what she's doing).  I have found myself wishing for a glass of wine on occasion when the madness seems to peak... especially when both Will and Sophia are whining or crying simultaneously and I'm alone.  It's amazing how the daytime can go off without a hitch and the second our nanny leaves and I'm alone for the night (like if Trey's out of town) they both seem to just know and lose it together.  But I have to keep reminding myself that I'll miss the chaos one day and I keep telling myself to just love the moments with them now because they're still my little babies and I'm going to keep blinking and they'll be big and dare I say grown up and out of the house.  :(  Ok, one step at a time here. lol

Sophia loves seeing Baby Will in the morning- here with her biggest "cheese" face

loving big sis always wants to hold 'baby Woo' (baby Will)

Ah anyway, I guess the point to all the rambling is so I can look back one day and realize that I did have a wonderful leave and I'm just grateful that I have 2 beautiful babies to call my own and while returning to work will bring with it a whole new set of challenges and routines to adjust to, I know everything will be alright in the end.

As they say, all good things must come to an end but I know deep down that this is just the beginning of another great chapter.  While I know I'll still get misty eyed when I have to travel and leave my kids for the first or second or maybe third time, I know I'll get through it as all working moms must do and I can take solace in the fact that I get to come home to these sweet faces!

Will 11 weeks

what happens when you turn around for 2 seconds and leave a toddler with a blue mini cupcake