Reflections & Perspective from a Pregnant Mama

7 1/2 weeks

35 weeks

I just have to laugh looking at these two pictures side by side.  For those of you who keep telling me how great I look - thank you and I love you, but I must say there's no denying I've gained weight since my first pregnancy shot and there's definitely a little someone inside of me.  I have had this obvious realization hit me lately that somehow or another this rock solid little thing I feel in my stomach has to exit somehow and I must say - when I think of the HOW, I get slightly scared :)

It kinda puts everything in perspective when I look back at a stomach I never even appreciated I had, to the one I have now that's round and jiggles at times like a "bowl full of jelly" to quote the Night Before Christmas.  But, it's also one of the most amazing feelings I've ever had to look down at my full belly and see Sophia inside squirming around and making all kinds of shapes on my little basketball stomach.  I guess the gist is, for the trade off of what's coming I'll take the belly and added pounds and I just can't wait to meet her and see what she'll look like.

It's crazy as I stare down the finish line of this pregnancy how mixed my emotions have become.  Some days I'm just so excited to be done with this and have my baby in my arms.  The discomfort level keeps creeping up and I suppose I am growing more and more tired of the frequent bathroom runs and added aches and pains in my hips and back (especially when I sleep at night) and yes, sadly the back-acne (throw me a bone why don't ya?).

I'd love to have my body back so I don't have to worry about what position I'm sleeping in, what kind of cheese I'm consuming that might hurt the baby, or whether that special sauce in my meal at a restaurant has something I'm not supposed to be eating.  There are so many rules and things to think about when you're pregnant and it honestly just boggles the mind and becomes overwhelming at times.

Yet, the other side of me is slightly panicked and anxious at the thought of becoming a mom in a few weeks.  I know I'll be "ready" because I've always wanted this and shoot - I'll have to be, but I find myself running through checklists trying to make sure I'm as ready as I can and there just never seems to be enough time to juggle everything on my list and keep up with my day job.  My brain just feels clogged at times and I find my stamina waning by the end of most days.

Trey and I made up a list of things to do before she gets here - like dates we want to take before we can't and I hate feeling like the life as we we know it - which is so fun and great - is about to end.

So then I go back and forth between feeling guilty about not being completely "ready" and excited about the changes coming our way.  I guess this flip floppy mind is somewhat normal when you go into having your first child.  I suppose overall the excitement at holding our little girl and getting to know her far exceeds any reservations I have and I just pray she's a healthy and happy little baby.

Something tells me it will be love at first sight and nothing else will matter on her birth day.  So pounds, pack 'em on if you will.  Bathroom runs do your worst.  If every other mom out there could handle it, I feel confident I can too.  And Sophia, hurry up and grow to healthy size because I can't wait to meet you!